Haunted by Shattered Words
by LatentBeauty
Summary: This is a follow up to Forgotten Promise of a Wanted Smile. I wish that I could make everything right. I’m sorry that I ever kissed you and brought you into this insane limbo between love and hate. I’m sorry that I left. But I’m trapped.


This is a follow up to Forgotten Promise of a Wanted Smile. Don't read this until you've read the first one. This is a one-shot, meaning this will be the only chapter.

Please forgive me of all grammatical errors; I was never formally taught English.

Haunted by Shattered Words

I wish I could change the world for you.

I wish that I could make everything right.

I wish that I hadn't ruined my chance.

I want you to know, I never forgot you, Ginny. How could I? Your fire red hair and beautiful golden eyes cannot be erased from my mind. Your laughter rings clear in my ears every time a silence sets over me. Your smell of morning rain overpowers all others. You never let me forgot did you? Because even now it still lingers on your letters.

Those letters almost destroyed me. You called out again and again for me to come back. But I only hid the parchment in a small white box with your name written across the lid. Ginny believe me, I wanted to come and rescue you from the dragon. I wanted to be your prince that swept you away. I wanted to be your fairytale. I wanted your story to end with a _happily ever after._ I wanted you to live in that beautiful castle atop the hill. I wanted you to have everything you deserved. But I guess I wouldn't be in your life, because you don't deserve someone as coldhearted as me. You need someone like Harry, someone completely and utterly perfect; a prince that will sweep you away with all the right words. You deserve prince who will vanquish your enemies instead of running away from them.

I wish I could be that person for you.

But I am a coward. I ran away from the one thing that I should have stayed with.

While I hide from my reality I thought of you. I tried and tried to write back, respond to your words. But every time I picked up my quill my brain froze, stranding me in my coldness. I could think of nothing to justify an explanation of why I left. To me, nothing was an excuse. And so the parchment always ended up on the floor, blank except for three words. _I love you._

I am so sorry Ginny. I'm sorry that I could never send those letters. I'm sorry that I was such a jerk to you when we were younger. I'm sorry that I ever kissed you and brought you into this insane limbo between love and hate. I'm sorry that I left. I'm sorry for everything.

I would have given up the world to go back and see you one more time, to hold you in my arms beneath the willow and whisper in your ear. I thought about returning to you. But you would have moved on. You always could move on Ginny. As long as I can remember, you've never clung on to the past. And why would I be any different? You are a strong woman; you've probably found someone new. I couldn't bear to see you with someone else. I couldn't stand to see you smile at my replacement. So instead I dreamt of your skin, pale as moonlight and your eyes, a brilliant gold that outshines all the riches of the world. I dreamed of when I could hear your light voice again. I loved your voice, Ginny. I loved you. I still do.

I loved the way you could blindly put so much faith in people. I marveled at the way you could trust a person before knowing their last name. But what I admired most was the way you could believe my promises. And what tortures me the most is that I broke them. All except for one, _I am yours forever._ As long as I can remember, that promise is still intact. You will always have my heart. But I know I don't have yours. I betrayed you. I discarded you, like an old worn out toy, and never even looked behind my shoulder when I had promised to come back. I broke my word. I shattered all of your trust in me. I destroyed what we had.

If I could go back and change it I would. Don't ever doubt that. In a heartbeat I would go back to that day at the train station. And instead of smiling at you I would have run back, grabbed you in my arms, and I would have kept you there forever. Safe and in perfection we would be. I would be safe from my mistakes, and you would be freed from all the damage I caused you. We could remember our lives together in happiness instead of in sadness and regret.

I have so many memories of you Ginny. Like the first time I fell in love with you we were playing Quidditch and you 'accidentally' knocked me off my broom. I remember the first time I ever held your hand. I remember thinking about you night after night and wondering how I could have fallen for a Weasley. But my favorite memory happened in my seventh year one winter night. Do you remember the day before Christmas?

_It was in the early hours of the morning. The stars still shone brightly on the untouched snow. The wind blew, rattling the window pains. My clock's quiet chimes were what woke me. The faint sound of tiny bells disturbed my restless sleep. As I listened the more I heard a beautiful high voice intermingled in the chimes. Even in my groggy state I knew the voice was familiar. I knew it was yours. And so I opened my eyes expecting to see you standing over me. But when I finally unclamped my eyelids you were gone. And yet your voice still rung clear, in fact it was growing louder. I ran a hand through my hair in puzzled confusion. _

_Then I heard it above my head, a faint lullaby. It was your favorite. And yet you were no where._

"_Ginny?" I called into the darkness._

_Giggles were all I received for a response._

"_Ginny?" I called again._

_The giggles came closer. I could fell a soft breath in my ear. I blinked. When I opened my eyes there you were standing in front of me. _

"_Good morning," you said with a small smile that light up your radiant face. _

"_How did you get in here?" I asked still confused._

_With another more mischievous smile you pointed to an invisibility cloak that was draped across the foot of my four poster bed._

"_But you don't have one of those," I said still in a state of confusion._

_You leaned down on top of me and whispered in my ear, "Its Harry's. I took it."_

"_Had to see me that badly?"_

"_You wish, now get up. We're going somewhere."_

_With much disagreement I finally got out of my comfortable bed and dressed warmly. You put the cloak over both of us and led me down the dark halls of the sleeping castle. The whole time we clamored down the stairs and tip-toed across the cold stone floors I couldn't help but notice your determination. You always took charge, unlike the other girls who followed me around. You never let the man open doors for you or pay the tab. You always insisted on being treated as an equal. I loved that about you. _

_Outside the castle you stopped to grab my hand. I remember how cold your small delicate fingers were. I clasped on and held you fingers in mine, hoping to warm them. Before you had the opportunity to move on I leaned over to kiss your cheeks, rosy red from the wind. You only looked over at me and shook your head, but as you turned your face outward I could see the hint of a smile. You always did that to me; try to hide your pleasure. It was a game that often frustrated me, but in the morning hours it only amused me. _

_I will remember that beautiful walk forever. The evergreen trees of the Forbidden Forest were covered in the soft snow flakes. The stars gave off a faint glow as night faded and the sun rose in the sky lighting up the dark in shades of soft pink. We walked beneath the tree tops looking up at the clear morning sky. You tilted up your head to catch the falling snow flakes. You looked so beautiful. Your face was lit up by the glowing sky. And your red hair was covered in small snowflakes. You were my snow princess. _

And now because of that cold morning, snow will forever remind me of you. Winter will always bring you to mind. Odd isn't? Winter is the coldest season. It symbolizes loneliness and represents the harshness of missing you. And yet Christmas is the season of love and giving. A contradiction in itself. But did I ever have your love? You never did tell me.

I wonder if you ever got my letter. I don't know what possessed me to write it, but I felt like you had to know. I never did get an answer. Maybe you never loved. Maybe it was better that I broke all my promises.

But then why did you look so heartbroken yesterday? You think I didn't see you did you? You think I wouldn't notice your beautiful red hair or your alabaster skin. But I saw. I watched you stare at me with tears in your eyes. I wish I could've run over and kissed you. I would've fallen on my knees and begged for forgiveness. I would've tried to make everything better, right the world for you. But I was with her. And I love her. Not the way I love you though. It's something different. We don't go on long walks on snowy mornings or dance in the rain. We don't laugh as much as you and I did. But I do love her. And I'm sorry for that. I wish I didn't. I wish I could push her away and go to you.

But you wouldn't have me, would you? And I don't deserve you.

I love you Ginny.

I miss you.

I want you.

But I'm trapped. You could never understand.

I regret leaving you every day of my life.

If I could erase my promises I would. Would that make it easier?

But before I move on, I want to make one more. I know you'll never hear this, and even if you did you wouldn't trust it.

I promise I'll never forget you Ginny.

_I remember. _

_I remember it all.._


End file.
